I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
