god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
