I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
