if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
