I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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