batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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