My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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