Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
