Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
