I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
