Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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