I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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