i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
that is very illegal...i love you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
