Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Randomize
