Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
