OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
