Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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