Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize