ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
