u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
