Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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