The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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