I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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