I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
