maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
