WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
