look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
