Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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