We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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