I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
