everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
