i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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