She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
