i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
