He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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