I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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