Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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