he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
