Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
