Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She bit a glass in half.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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