you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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