i think my tv is drunk
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
