i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
