she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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