So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
