It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
