i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
