So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize