Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
