His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
