i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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