just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I didn't notice because vodka
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
