And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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