im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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