I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
