got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
