There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
