You just made me feel so damn special
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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