i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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