It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
