I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
