in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
