my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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