I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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