I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
