Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
