I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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