I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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