Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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