Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
