I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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