i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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