im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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