I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
