I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
