I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
