didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
