But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
