Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
