watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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