How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
this boner is exhausting
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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