I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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