I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
