just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
