Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
