my shit smells like andre
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
