Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
