Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
