I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it was like eating out sand paper
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
