I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
zippers are such a cool invention
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
