why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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