Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There r osticjed everywhere
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
