the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
