the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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