No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
