he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I intend to get homeless drunk
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
