Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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