Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
